Why We Didn’t Wait to Announce Our Pregnancy

early pregnancy

In the past 5 years there has been an increase of people waiting until they are over 12-18 weeks to announce their pregnancy. In fact, our announcement of our latest pregnancy was even met with some interesting responses after people would ask how far along I was.

While I think this is a personal decision for each couple and it isn’t an eternal issue, I want to share four reasons why we chose to share our news within a week or so of finding out, regardless of what stage of growth our baby is in. 

  1. We believe that regardless how far along the pregnancy is, a baby is a baby. It doesn’t become a baby at 12 or 18 weeks, we believe life begins at conception. This is an opportunity to be a light, witnessing to the world that a baby is life worth celebrating even at the size of a pea!
  2. Many people choose to wait until they know the baby is “going to make it.” This is why this topic can be so sensitive. Many women have struggled with loss, or fear the loss of their baby, and the thought of having to announce the loss of a baby is something they don’t even want to fathom. Our personal perspective is that IF the baby didn’t make it, we would want those we love to walk with us through that loss, praying for us and the whole family. We do not want to allow any fear to steal our joy of celebrating the life God has created, even if it is for a small amount of time. BUT, this is where we are at personally. And for those who have experienced loss, everyone grieves in their own way, there is not a right way or wrong way. For those who want to grieve privately, I can completely respect that and understand why. We all need to be careful not to push or impress our agendas on others and understand that we are all on our own journey spiritually, but that we all have our own ways of dealing with grief.
    I have written this post because I do think that we need to respect one another’s decision to wait or to share, but also ask ourselves the hard question: WHY? Why is that you want to wait to announce your pregnancy? Is it because you have allowed a worldly perspective of the growth of a baby to impress upon you that your baby isn’t a baby until you are out of the first trimester? Are you full of fear? Because if you are fearful, I would urge to at least share with someone, and be honest about your fear, because fear is not from God. Or is it for a legitimate reason, like you are embracing who you are and are confident either way?
  3. We want to share with others, because we are just SO excited and want to give others the opportunity to rejoice with us.
  4. We share with others so that they can join us in prayer for the baby, and for our family. I tend to be pretty sick with each pregnancy. We covet all the prayer we can get because while every baby is a blessing, it is also a sacrifice for everyone in the family as mama isn’t feeling herself.

Personal Story of Waiting for Our 2nd Baby to Die

When I finally became pregnant with our second baby, it was a huge surprise. We had been trying for 18 months and struggled to get pregnant. Then I suffered through an emergency appendectomy. Before the surgery the hospital tested my blood to see if I was pregnant. The results came back negative and they proceeded treating me with CT scans, an MRI, and then finally the procedure with full anesthesia. Just after the surgery, my IV backed up on me and they couldn’t administer any more pain meds without my consent. By the time I woke up, I felt no real need for meds, so I declined morphine. Looking back, I see God’s hand watching over our little babe that we didn’t even know was there.

I was told that I would experience nausea for a few weeks and that it was normal. So, when I returned for my 6 week check-up, to be released for intimacy, I was still sick everyday, which they thought wasn’t normal. So they did an ultrasound, which revealed our sweet little baby boy! Shocked they asked if we had been intimate, which we hadn’t yet because of the surgery. After measuring the baby, they guesstimated that I was pregnant at the time of surgery but that the surgery had taken place within that ten day window before the egg embeds itself in the uterus lining. Thus, being undetected by blood tests because the baby had not yet been detectable by the blood stream.

Amazing. As I thought through the events of how this baby had come to be created by God, I couldn’t help but rejoice for how God so careful timed every aspect of this baby’s creation, down to the very day and hour! But that rejoicing was met with fear as the doctor tried to prepare us for loss. She was adamant that our baby wouldn’t make it. That he would abort naturally. She didn’t see much hope for a healthy pregnancy after everything my body had undergone.

I immediately felt the conflict of terror and joy in my soul. But ultimately, the fact that God had gone before so much of the circumstances led me to believe that we were going to experience one of God’s miracles.

There were days I struggled, I allowed the fear to consume me. And if it wasn’t for the friends I had shared this with and their encouragement during this season, I could have sunk into a deep depression, just waiting every day for my baby to die. What a burden for anyone to bear. But instead, my friends rejoiced with me in what God had done already and reminded me of that over and over again. They helped me to fight the battle in my mind by focusing on all the good God had done and that He was in control.

I realize looking back how this experience was a little bootcamp in trusting God. We all have many of them throughout life, don’t we. Our son Austin was born full term, and when he was three weeks old the doctors detected a whole in his heart, which by another miracle of God, healed and was determined an innocent heart murmur. I realize in hindsight how the bootcamp in trusting God through the first trimester prepared my heart to hold my child open handed to the Lord, acknowledging they were all gifts from Him and His anyway. This perspective really helped prepare me for the scare of the whole in his heart when he was a baby. It’s one of those experiences you would never want to relive, but you are also able to see God’s hand and Him gently leading and guiding you through it all.

Psalm 139

During this season we experienced the power of prayer and faith, but we also experienced what true friendship was supposed to look like. Having close friends to lift us up during this season was crucial to my sanity. On the days when I wanted to curl up in a ball in fear, friends would bring over meals and hang out just to keep my spirits up. 

So when did you announce you were pregnant? How far along are you? And when is your due date?

In this Journey Together,

Sister Angie

 

 

About Angie Tolpin

Angie is married to her best friend Isaac and is a homeschooling mom to seven children ranging in age from 5 months to 15 years old. She loves to encourage moms and wives and thrives best when accompanied by her husband as they speak together. She is the author of Redeeming Childbirth, The Growth & Study Guide, and the online Bible Study: The Quiet Fight Between Women.

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Comments

  1. I am almost 7 weeks! We tell everyone right away because we are excited and I also want prayer! This is baby number four.

  2. I`m 36 weeks and 1 day along. We announced our pregnancy to my closest friend ar 6 weeks, when we found out we`re expecting, then to our Bible study group at about 8 weeks, but to all others at about 14+weeks. We treasured the opportunity to enjoy the early pregnancy as a couple, tried to grasp the thought of a baby joining our family.

  3. This was such a blessing to read this morning. It has been 6 weeks since I miscarried at 11 weeks. My husband and I shared with everyone as soon as we found out at 5 weeks,and I caught some criticism for wanting to share so early– “you need to wait until you know for sure…”– even after having pictures from a healthy 8 week ultrasound and checkup.

    Reading this was confirmation and comfort for me, that we made the right decision. A life is a life is a life.

    He or she was our first child. While we are still mourning, we are also prayerful and hopeful that God will bless us with life again.

    Thank you for sharing. Thank you for sowing seeds of truth and hope.

    • Jordan,
      Oh my heart breaks for you my sister. I am so glad this was an encouragement to you though, in it’s own little way. I will lift you up in my prayers. Thank you for sharing your story. I am sure it is hard to at times. Stay strong in the Lord. Keep on keeping’ on dear one. He knows what you have been going through and is with you to carry your burdens. I pray the Lord softens the hearts of those who were so discouraging to you in mentioning a miscarriage, that somehow they have hearts healed to view all children as a blessing that are worthy of both being celebrated and grieved. Take care & Prayers, Ang

  4. Courtney says:

    Thank you for posting this! We just went public with our 8-Week pregnancy last week. There is fear and also so much joy! I’m blessed to be in a supportive community so I know no matter what happens we will be loved.

  5. Hannah Edlin says:

    Just saw this post 🙂 I think social media has put a lot of pressure on keeping things real time and doing so publicly. Harlan and I announced our little one to family a week after we found out, and close friends a week or so after that. We had all the support we needed from people who support us in everyday life and the crazy new exciting seasons. It wasn’t out of fear I didn’t post it publicly, or because I wasn’t as excited as I should be. I even considered that that may be what some of my other christian friends might assume we’re the reasons we announced at 13 weeks. It came Down to the fact, Harlan and I loved having our “opinions” and the “opinions” and encouragment of those we completely trusted be the only ones speaking into our lives for awhile. Everyone has opinions about birth, pregnancy, and child rearing. They are usually pretty strong too. I love hearing different approaches and comparing stories and methods. But I also felt no guilt in waiting to open the flood gate that hits after social media is brought in befor Harlan and I had a stablished ourselves as first time parents. Maybe that will change later down the road. It’s always fun posting things publicly on facebook and seeing friends old, new, close and not, share in our excitement. However posting an announcement wasn’t what was going to prove my heart attitude towards pregnancy,my baby, or the preciousness of life. Even if it did appear I was in the camp who was waiting to celebrate until a late date. I wouldn’t have felt the need to keep from posting about a loss if it happened and I felt I needed more support and prayer. However I probably would have again kept it to a lesser list than my blog and facebook. I would be willing to tell anyone about my baby alive or passed but social media isn’t always the place I would have to do so.
    Wow that was a tangent and a half haha! I know you weren’t talking about how you announce it but the heart attitude behind why we do. I agree!

    • It’s so good to hear from you Hannah! And congratulations on your baby! That is so awesome! Isaac and I are very excited for you and Harlan! I agree 100% that whether you post it on social media or not doesn’t reflect fear… I think you understood my heart in it. 🙂 “Many” women today do choose not to share {not talking about social media here} with anyone until they get to 12-16 weeks because of the fear of loss. Like I said in my post, I full respect anyone’s reasoning behind it… for example a woman who has a lost a baby and wants to grieve alone if it happens again, etc… I do think that our society in general, meaning society, not the church community… tends to impress upon us the belief that a baby isn’t a baby until a certain gestational age, and in turn when a woman does lose a baby, she struggles to grieve. Society doesn’t typically value the life as being as valuable as a born baby. I do believe that because women are speaking out more and more about the pain and loss in miscarriage, our culture is making steps forward to support her, but we have a long way to go. My post wasn’t really so much about sharing on social media as it was about evaluating why we do what we do and why we believe what we believe. I think it is always healthy to do that, on any topic. Right!
      Also, I do think that God designed us to carry one another’s burdens, to care for one another and celebrate with one another. When someone shares with those closest to them, like we did, and you did, that is allowing real support to happen… and we all can grow from being vulnerable and allowing others in our life to grieve and rejoice with us, right!

      Thanks for stopping by and God Bless you and the baby!

    • Oh, and we told our friends and family a week or more before we told anyone on social media. 🙂

  6. Carrie says:

    Congratulations on your baby! I am 11 weeks with baby #6 (#4 was ushered straight into arms of Jesus at 10 weeks of pregnancy). So ours are 19 months, 4,6 and 8.
    In our family we laugh at our differences in announcing although we are ALL in agreement life begins at conception:)
    My sister literally calls or texts everyone the second she has a positive test. Me, well I like to be more dramatic:) I like to tell family in person if possible and when we were out in Oregon and they were thousands of miles away I wanted a great photo announcement for them. Still those announcements came around 6/7 weeks.
    Our 4th pregnancy we waited because one sister was close to due date of a baby she was adopting after years of praying for that and other sister was 8 months pregnant. I wanted them to enjoy the spotlight so to speak. I did tell my family once both those babies were born and I was 8 1/2 weeks. Unfortunate our baby died and I miscarried the baby just after 10 weeks. It was awful for my husband to call his parents and say I was hospitalized for hemoraging during a miscarriage of a pregnancy that they didn’t know about. This is why I don’t want to wait too long to tell family and I agree with your point about wanting support if something awful does happen. Our children were young. 1, 3, and 5 so I was thankful they didn’t have to know of the sadness of a miscarriage.
    This pregnancy, I knew about at 3 1/2 weeks and it was most definitely a child to me at that moment. I found out on my husbands 40th birthday and felt that very early positive was a special gift for him and we wanted to enjoy it as our little secret until we had an ultrasound picture to show our children. We wanted them to be the first to know as they are 19 months, 4,6 and 8 and have been begging for a baby. We told them at 9 weeks by showing them ultrasound and let them tell everyone else immediately after. It was a joy for them and how can anyone tell a little child that 5 is too many children:)
    The nausea and exhaustion are extreme this time but I know it could be worse and I am so thankful for the blessing of another one of God’s children to train and disciple and love! I pray this has been your best pregnancy ever!

    • Carrie,
      Thank you for sharing your story. And thank you for the prayers. It has been my best pregnancy yet. God has truly had mercy on me and taught me more about Him through it all. 🙂 I am so sorry for your loss. I will keep you in my prayers as you are dealing with fatigue and exhaustion. It does seem to get stronger as I get older that is for sure. But I pray God gives you the energy you need to care for your little ones and that you give yourself grace through it all!

  7. Our first pregnancy we didn’t announce it until I miscarried at 12 weeks (baby stopped growing at 9 weeks). We are now pregnant again…praise God! and we told our family and close friends at 6 weeks. I am now 8 weeks and 5 days pregnant and will be seeing a specialist tomorrow. I was told I have a form of lupus which causes recurrent miscarriages and baby possibly could have heart problems and will need a pacemaker. Please keep us in your prayers? Thank you so much for your encouragement. Definitely will be buying your book with my next paycheck. God bless!

  8. My husband and I lost two little ones, both around 5/6 weeks. We had agreed to keep silent about the second, as not to “make the family uncomfortable.” (My sister in law announced her pregnancy to the family the day after I found out I was losing my second). But grieving in silence was the worst part. To this day, only my husband and a few others know…those losses still weigh heavy on my heart. However, we are happy to say we’ve been blessed (and surprised) with a new little life. Our little one is about 7 weeks, and we plan to announce this week, our first ever pregnancy announcement. Our Dr. says our little one is a fighter, and very healthy! If there’s anything my losses have taught me, it’s that every life is worth celebrating, and that’s just what we’re going to do.

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