When You Just Had a Baby & You Don’t Feel Like Being Romantic

Hello Sisters,

I know what you are thinking. I’ll just be the one to go ahead and say it. We’ve all been there before. Every day may be different when it comes to hormones during pregnancy and postpartum. Then there is the lack of sleep and exhaustion from either growing a human or being a full-time milk maid around the clock, right?!

Chances are if you are still reading this, you don’t feel much like being romantic. 

I get it. I’ve been there. But did you know that intimacy with your husband can actually cure a lot of those icky feelings you get tempted into believing about yourself? 

No matter how confident a woman you are, chances are you will struggle with body image at one point or another during your marriage, during pregnancy or postpartum.

What we need to remember is that our enemy, the devil, knows how vulnerable we are during this season and he will do anything he can to kick us while we are down. So put on your armor sisters.

So, here comes Valentines Day, a date night, an anniversary, a birthday, or even just that night when your husband gives you the look or rubs your back.

What do you do when you aren’t feeling romantic? 

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First, I would ask the question, “Why aren’t I feeling romantic?”

Is it because of false body image? If it is, I want to encourage you to pray first. Ask God to heal your perspective of yourself. Ask Him to help you to see yourself through His eyes.

And then, open up to your husband and share with him how you are feeling physically and what you are believing about your body right now. Share with him, how you don’t think your body is attractive and let him be the one to remind you that you are.

And if you can’t share it with your husband yet, I would highly encourage you to share with another sister in Christ the struggles you are having with your view of yourself. Ask her for help, to pray for you and check in on you.

Is it because you are tired and worn out?   You might be thinking, “For crying out loud, I just had a baby.” If this is the reason, sister I want to encourage you to take time to rest. The doctors and midwives recommend at least 6 weeks before engaging in sexual activity for a reason. You need to heal!
But in case you are beyond that period of time, it might help if you were to pick a night when you know you are going to be intimate with your husband and set aside time to take a nap that day, rest, read a book, go for a walk in the park, take a bubble bath, or if you can afford it, go to get a massage. Do whatever it takes to relax your muscles and be refreshed so you are in a place of wanting to give.

Do you find it hard to find time to relax? Are you in need of a little spa day?

I sure am. But you know, even though I would LOVE to have a day at the spa, the thought of taking a nursing baby with me isn’t too relaxing. Don’t get me wrong, I love my little 10 week old buddy, but a spa day is not in my near future.

I know many of you are expecting a baby soon, or recently had a baby, and I understand just how the thought of being romantic or intimate on Valentines Day or any other good old day might cause some of you sisters stress. And I am sure many of us might not be heading off to the spa anytime too soon.

But you can have a mini spa day or night by yourself or with your hubby, in the comfort of your own home! Just grab some yummy soaps that are made with essential oils here, and relax!

In this video I meet up with a friend of mine, Marilee from the Bend Soap Company, and we share some tips on how to keep the spark alive! We were co-hosting a giveaway of their soaps and lotions and that is over now, but the video is worth watching for the tips!

Click here to view the video!

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To read my commitment and thoughts on how I was convicted to try harder in my marriage, go here.

I know how overwhelmed some of you may be feeling, but as a sister who cares about where your marriage is at, I want to challenge you to think about your husband.

Take 5 minutes right now and stop scrolling through Facebook and Instagram.

Get out your notes or a pad of paper and write your husband a letter or brainstorm how you could bless your husband next Sunday, Valentines Day. And can I challenge you to examine your expectations of your husband. If you guys haven’t celebrated Valentines Day in the past, it might be wise not to set a trap for yourself to be bummed. Remember Love doesn’t expect anything in return.

I am not normally a big Valentines Day kind of gal. We never make a huge deal out of it. But you know what I like about it? The challenge that it gives me to actually “TRY.”

Sometimes we need to be challenged to try harder in our marriage, don’t we?

I hope you are encouraged by what I have shared. To be honest, other than the intimate experiences of birth which I share in my book, Redeeming Childbirth, this is definitely the most transparent I have been on the topic of intimacy or romance. It took a lot for me to break out of my shell so I really do hope and pray that you are blessed by it, simply by realizing you are not the only one who struggles in this department. We’ve all been there!

If by chance you really want to order a Sweetheart Gift Set for yourself or as a gift for another couple, here is a special code to get $5 off: NEWTRADITION. GO HERE TO PURCHASE!

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On a side note, I have some really important news regarding this website and my focuses for the new year, so be looking for my next email and blog post this week. Also, I have been enjoying making LIVE Facebook videos, mostly with my hubby and would like to invite you to like my page so you can join us for those! Go here to watch the videos.

Have a great Valentines Day!

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About Angie Tolpin

Angie is married to her best friend Isaac and is a homeschooling mom to seven children ranging in age from 5 months to 15 years old. She loves to encourage moms and wives and thrives best when accompanied by her husband as they speak together. She is the author of Redeeming Childbirth, The Growth & Study Guide, and the online Bible Study: The Quiet Fight Between Women.

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  1. Thank you so much for posting this. My boy is 4 months old and this hits home with me. Due to circumstances I had to have him via cesarean which is something that still grieves me, or in other words it is a wound Satan loves to throw salt in. Anyways, the scar presents a very interesting challenge. Hoping this isn’t TMI but when my husband is in the beginning stages of being romantic he likes to touch my stomach…and where the scar is makes it uncomfortable and is like an automatic “turn-off” button. He knows this and tries to not do it but it is like a habit. Other than this challenge I have never been too big on self-image issues but boy am I now, and it is brand new territory and it is scary.

  2. Thanks for the reminder! Being intentional about our marriage with so many little ones around is a challenge. But, it’s essential to build a home that will stand on stormy seas 🙂

  3. I like when my husband has obviously put some thought into an evening’s plans. Knowing that I’m not the last thing on his list of priorities makes me feel encouraged.